Note: This walk-thru attempts to follow the storyline when at all
possible,  although a better feel for the game can be had by generally
TALKing  to  more  people  about different things. There is probably a
"faster"  way through the game...of course, if all you're trying to do
is finish the game quickly, why are you really playing it?

     The following word conventions are used to represent the icons on
the bottom of the playing screen.

MOVE = Simon moving two arrows
OPEN = Box opening/closing
LOOK = Magnifying glass
TAKE = Magnet picking up nail
TALK = Mouth
USE  = Hammer hitting nail
WEAR = Top hat
GIVE = Present

     You can press F5 at any time to skip through a long cut-scene, or
press F10 to highlight all "usable" objects on the current screen.


PART 1: THE TOWN
----------------

     Go  back  into Calypso's shop. TAKE the baseball bat and the dye.
Leave  the shop. Go to the castle. Ask the guards how much a dollar is
worth.  Leave  the  castle.  Go  to  the  3  Bear's  Cottage. OPEN the
letterbox  and  TAKE  the letter. Go to the Street of Traders. TALK to
the dwarf ironmonger. After he is done talking, TALK to him again. Ask
him  how  the ironmongering trade is doing. Offer to help him with his
money  problem: there are 15 dollars in a Gold Sovereign, 16 groats in
a  dollar, and 3 Gold Sovereigns in a Royal Crest. The ironmonger will
give you a crowbar. Go down the stairs to the pet shop.

     After  chatting  with the owner, try to TAKE the electric turtle.
After getting zapped, leave the pet shop and go left to the joke shop.
TAKE  the joke book, LOOK at the Stinko Kit sign, and TALK to the Joke
Seller.  After getting squirted, leave the joke shop. Leave the Street
of  Traders.  Go to the Loan Office. GIVE the joke book to the Jester;
he'll  give  you  a  bladder  in  return  for cheering him up. USE the
crowbar  on the drain cover. Walk into the sewers, and try to go left.
A  large spider will come out and scare you back out of the sewers. Go
into the Sunshine Loan Company. TALK to the secretary.

     After  picking  one of the loans (doesn't matter which), OPEN the
door  to  the  manager's  office. While the manager is looking for the
proper  form, USE the letter from the 3 Bear's Cottage on the in-tray.
Leave  the  Sunshine  Loan  Co  (The 3 Bear's Cottage will be promptly
bombed).  Go to the 3 Bear's Cottage. Walk into the house. Walk to the
right,  into the kitchen. TAKE the rubber gloves. MOVE the tap to turn
it  off.  The Three Bears wil come home and an animation sequence will
ensue.  You  will be "teleported" to the Fountain area. Go to the left
and  leave  the  Fountain area. Go to the Docks. Whichever side of the
dock  you  pick,  walk  to  the  right  and  TALK  to  Um Bongo. He'll
eventually  tell  you that he is missing his dancers. Walk to the left
of  the  dock and TALK to Goldilocks. Ask her why she is hiding behind
the  crates,  then  tell  her  you'll  be back. USE the crowbar on the
crate.

     After  she  climbs  in, TAKE the wig and the rubber dinghy. Leave
the  docks.  Go  back to the 3 Bear's Cottage and walk into the house.
After  talking  with  the Papa Bear, GIVE him the wig to help with his
forensic  search.  He'll  thank  you, and Mama Bear will give you some
porridge  as a reward. Leave the house. Go to the Town Square. TALK to
the  Accordion Player. One of the Morris dancers will break his stick.
GIVE  the baseball bat to the Accordion Player; he'll get K.O.'ed by a
butterfingered dancer. Leave the Town Square. Go to the Tatooist. MOVE
the ladder.

     Climb  up to the door and OPEN it and go into the Insane Society.
TALK  to  the  Frying  Pan man; The Fish Man will give you a note book
since  the  Frying Pan Man has taken a vow of "deafness". USE the note
book  on  the Frying Pan Man and ask him about how to join. He'll tell
you  there is an opening for a porridge wearer. Tell him you'll go get
some  porridge.  WEAR  the porridge you got from the 3 Bear's Cottage.
The  Frying Pan Man will give you a junk bag. After leaving the Insane
Society,  OPEN  the junk bag to get a 100 dollars, a bungee rope and a
wedge.  Leave the Tattooist area and go to MucSwampling's. TALK to the
mascot and get a balloon and a discount voucher.

     Go  to the left side of the screen and LOOK at the dustbin there.
You'll  find  a fishing rod. Go back to the right of the screen and go
into  MucSwampy's.  TALK  to the Tattooist and TALK to the Anorak Man.
TALK  to  the  waiter and order a kiddie meal. OPEN the kiddie meal to
find  a Swampling model, swamp gum and a maggot. Leave MucSwampy's and
go  to  the  Street of Traders. TAKE the poster you see there, then go
back  down  into  the pet shop. USE the rubber gloves on the turtle to
pick  him  up. USE the electric turtle on the cage to the right of the
machine.  Make  sure the red lever on the machine is to left hand side
of  the  machine,  then  USE  the machine. The electric turtle will be
split into electric eels and a normal turtle. TAKE the turtle from the
left  hand cage. TAKE the glow worms off the shelf. USE the glow worms
on the empty cage next to the eels.

     Move  the  lever  on the machine to the right hand side, then USE
the machine again to make some supercharged glow worms. The owner will
thank  you and you will leave the store. Go to the joke shop. The Joke
Seller  will  trick you again, but this time stay and TALK to him. Ask
him  if  he can make you a Swampling costume. He will tell you that he
needs  some  green material. Leave the joke shop and go right and TALK
to  Nefahpayup.  Agree to his proposition to help him out, and he will
show  you  to a cave where a magic lamp is. Walk to the right and TAKE
the  lamps.  Eventually,  you'll  find the right one. Walk back to the
left  and TALK to the cave entrance to have a ladder let down for you.
Walk  up  the  ladder  to exit the cave. Nefahpayup will give you some
white cloth as a reward.

     Walk  to  the  left  and  USE  the  balloon  on  railing near the
ironmonger.  Leave  the Street of Traders and go the Fountain. USE the
dye  on  the  fountain.  USE  the white cloth on the basket. Leave the
Fountain  area  and go to MucSwampling's. TALK to the mascot again and
ask  for  another  balloon.  Leave  MucSwampling's  and go back to the
Fountain  area  and your cloth will be clean and green. TAKE the green
cloth  and  leave  the Fountain area. Go to the Street of Traders. USE
the second balloon on the railing. Go the joke shop and GIVE the green
cloth  to the Joke Seller. He will make you a Swampling costume. Leave
the  shop, and leave the Street of Traders. Go back to MucSwampling's.
TALK  to the mascot and ask for yet another balloon (DON'T TIE THIS TO
THE RAILING YET!).

     Go  into  MucSwampy's,  WEAR  the  Swampling  costume to disguise
yourself as an employee and you will walk up the staircase next to the
waiter.  After  you appear in the kitchen, keep going up the stairs to
your  left  to the Swampling's office. Chat with the Swampling and ask
him  to  make  some Swamp Stew. He'll tell you he needs some swamp mud
for  the  recipe and he'll give you a bucket to collect some in. Leave
the  office,  exit  the  kitchen  and  leave MucSwampling's. Go to the
Docks.  Find Um Bongo and GIVE him the poster you took from the Street
of Traders. He'll head off to start training the Morris dancers. Go to
the  Town  Square. TALK to Um Bongo again. He'll tell you his drum was
broken  in transit and he needs a new skin for it. You'll give him the
bladder  you got from the Jester and his troupe will whip up a massive
rainstorm (that conveniently flushes that spider out of the sewer!).

     Go  to  the  Loan  Office. Climb down into the sewers (the spider
will be gone) and head to the left. You'll stop right before the light
disappears. USE the glow worms and you'll hook up a light source. Walk
to  the  left and go up the ladder to the swamp. Walk to the right and
up  onto  the  broken bridge. USE the bungee rope on the railing, then
USE  the bucket on the mud below to collect a bucket o' mud. Leave the
bungee  cord  on  the  railing  and  go  back to the left of the sewer
grating.  USE your fishing rod on the lake and you'll eventually catch
a  fish.  Walk  to the right and go back down into the sewers. Walk to
the right and go back up the ladder to the Loan Office area.

     Leave  the  Loan  Office  area  and  go  to MucSwampling's. Enter
MucSwamplings, WEAR the Swampling costume and walk up the staircase by
the waiter. Keep going up the stairs to the Swampling and GIVE him the
bucket of mud. He will make some powerful Swamp Stew and will give you
a  souvenir jar of it. Leave the Swampling's office, leave the kitchen
and  leave  MucSwamplings. Go to the Street of Traders. Go to the Joke
Shop and GIVE the Swamp Stew to the Joke Seller. He'll make you a free
stink bomb. Leave the Joke Shop, leave the Street of Traders and go to
the  Magic  Competition.  TALK  to the clerk and enter the competition
then  walk  into the tent. USE the stink bomb to clear away almost all
of  the  competition. After you recover, re-enter the tent. One wizard
will  be left (he had a cold). After chatting with him, TAKE the spell
book and USE your swamp shake on the one remaining wizard (to make him
completely deaf).

     You'll   be   summoned   as   the   only  competitor  and  you'll
(evenetually) be given the job as Royal Wizard and an ID card to prove
it.  Leave the Magic Competition and go to the Castle. When the guards
ask  for  their  money,  give  it  to them. Walk up the door and after
presenting  your  official ID, you'll be admitted to the castle. After
chatting  with  the annoying little price, open the door to the castle
and  go  in. Walk to the left, past the two doors and you'll enter the
King's  throne room. The king will inform you that your job is to make
the  crying  baby  in  the  castle  go to sleep. Go to the left of the
throne  room and USE the fish you caught to the Royal Seal (ugh...) to
tempt  him  into your hat. Leave the throne room, and OPEN the door on
the  right  and  go  in. A baby will be crying; this is the one you're
trying  to get to go to sleep. USE your wedge on the cradle to stop it
rocking, then TAKE the cog from the gear system.

     The  baby  will still cry, but go back out into the courtyard and
leave the castle. Go to MucSwampling's. Enter MucSwampling's, WEAR the
Swampling  costume  again,  and go up the first staircase. USE the cog
you  just got on the clock mechanism to get the clock moving again. Go
back  out  of  MucSwampling's  and  go  to  the  Tattooist.  Enter the
Tattooist's  shop (he's back from lunch now) and inquire about getting
a  tattoo. After finding out that they cost far too much, you'll leave
the  shop  after  picking  up a brochure. Return to MucSwampling's and
GIVE  the  tattoo brochure to the Anorak Man. Leave MucSwampling's and
return  to  the  Tattooist. Walk in the shop and he'll inform you that
you  have  won  a  free  tattoo. Get the tattoo of the jewel-encrusted
swords. Leave the shop and go to the Swamp.

     Go  the  far  left  of the Swamp area and a Lady of the Lake will
appear.  While talking to her, ask her if you can become a Lady of the
Lake.  She'll  agree  after seeing the Royal Seal, and she'll drop her
air  tanks and wet suit before leaving. TAKE the air tanks and the wet
suit.  USE  the  air tanks on the rubber dinghy to inflate it. USE the
now-inflated  rubber  dinghy  to paddle over to the Isle of the Sword.
After  reaching the island, TAKE the sword out of the rock (the tattoo
made you "man" enough to do it). USE the rubber dinghy again to paddle
back  to  the  swamp, then go back down through the sewers to the Loan
Office  area.  Leave  the  Loan  Office area and return to the Castle.
Enter the castle courtyard and GIVE the prince the sword.

     He'll  give  you his pea-shooter and a pea in exchange. Enter the
main  castle  and  OPEN  the  door  on  the  left.  USE the pea on the
matresses  to  wake up the princess. Ask her for suggestions on how to
stop  the  baby  crying; she'll throw you a lolly. TAKE the lolly. The
baby  won't  accept the lolly (try it if you like: it'll throw it down
into  the courtyard), so leave the princess' room, leave the courtyard
and  exit the castle. Go the MucSwampling's. Enter MucSwamplings, WEAR
the  Swampling costume again, and go up both staircases to Swampling's
office. GIVE the lolly to the Baby Swamplings and they will drop their
milk,  which  you will pick up. Leave MucSwampling's and return to the
castle. Enter the baby's room and GIVE the milk to the baby to make it
go  to  sleep. Leave the baby's room and go left into the throne room.
Enter the door to the treasury by the King.

     After  climbing  the  staircase,  USE  the  swamp  shake  on  the
pentagram.  Walk  towards the treasury door and two demons will appear
and  be trapped by the swamp shake. Unfortunately, they also block the
entrance  into the treasury; time to find an alternate entrance. Leave
the  castle and go to Street of Traders. USE your third balloon on the
railing  and  you'll  lift  off and end up in the royal treasure room.
Walk towards the sarcophogus, and you'll fall through a trap door into
the  treasure  vault.  TAKE the Mucusade. Go back up the tube you just
fell  through,  and walk back out the window to the awaiting balloons.
After  falling  unexpectedly  to the ground, go to Calypso's...or what
WAS Calypso's...you'll be beaten up and dragged off to a pirate ship.


PART 2: THE PIRATE SHIP
-----------------------

     After  the  captain's  lecture, USE your spell book to break your
chains. TAKE the eye patch off the skull next to "Mr T.". Try to climb
up  the  stairs  and the captain will stop you and eventually "enlist"
you  as  his  cabin boy. You'll be brought up to his cabin and he will
eventually  leave. TAKE a stuffed parrot. LOOK at his diary and you'll
find  a  picture  postcard of Kalimari. Leave the captain's room. GIVE
the  eye-patch  to  the  pirate with the purple shirt pulling in rope.
He'll  give you a pair of sunglasses in return. Climb up the ladder to
the  right  onto  the  poop-deck.  USE  the stuffed parrot on the real
parrot  to  swap  them.  After  the pirate questions the swap, USE the
swamp  gum  on  the  stuffed  parrot  to  hold him in place. Leave the
poop-deck and you'll decide to sleep until you reach home. A cut-scene
will appear depicting the fate of Calypso and his granddaughter Alix.

     After waking up, you will realize that you're still at sea. Climb
back  onto  the poop-deck and TALK to the Bosun. He'll inform that the
lookout  corrected  your  attempt  at re-directing the ship. Leave the
poop-deck  and  go  to the left of the pirate ship. USE the rigging to
climb  to  the crow's nest. USE the picture postcard on the telescope.
Climb  down  the rigging and go back to the poop-deck. MOVE the parrot
so  that  it's facing back towards the Bosun. Leave the poop- deck. Go
to  the  far left of the pirate ship. OPEN the door. TALK to the tough
looking  guy (Mr. T.) and ask him for a welding torch. Leave the cell,
and  walk  behind  the pirate who is repairing the plank. MOVE him off
the  ship. TAKE the hammer, nails and plank. Go to the right hand side
of the pirate ship, OPEN the door to the right (closest to the screen)
and  go  in.  TAKE  the  knife. USE the knife on the hammock. TAKE the
tinder-box.

     Leave the room and try to USE the welding torch on the chain. The
captain  will  appear  and  tell  you  not to do it. After the captain
leaves,  try  to  use  the  torch on the chain again. The captain will
re-appear and ask you where the first mate is, then disappear into the
sleeping  quarters. USE the plank on the door to the sleeping quarters
to lock the captain in. Now, USE the welding torch on the chain to cut
it.  OPEN  the  door and climb down. TAKE the Mucusade. Go back up the
ladder  and  you'll  head down for another nap. After waking up you'll
realize  you're under attack. You'll end up on a remote island with no
inventory.

PART 3: THE ISLAND
------------------

     TAKE  the  shovel  head. Go the the right and after chatting with
the  Beachcomber  TAKE his towel. Go into the jungle. GIVE the kid the
balloon  and  he'll  repay you with a shell. TAKE the wooden pole. USE
the  wooden  pole  on the shovel head to make a shovel. Go back to the
beach.  USE the shovel. Simon will make a monster sandcastle and leave
a  large hole in the process. USE the towel on the hole. USE the shell
on  the  towel.  TALK to the Beachcomber and he'll walk right into the
trap.  After  he  falls down the hole, TAKE the Mucusade. Go back into
the  Jungle. Take the upper path to the left towards the dog. TAKE the
dog.  Enter  the  cafe  and TALK to the waitress. Order a cup of decaf
coffee.  You'll  fall  asleep and a cut-scene will ensue. After waking
up, order another cup of decaf (this time, its to-go).

     Leave  the  cafe and walk to the right into the cave. Try to TAKE
the  whiskey bottle and a genie will appear. Ask him for three wishes,
then  ask  him  to be teleported to Calypso's shop. He'll screw up and
teleport you to an alien ship, then back again; he'll explain that his
problem  is that he needs to counter the effects of the whiskey on his
system.  What  he needs is strong, caffeinated coffee. Leave the cave,
and take the lower, left hand path. TALK to the dealer; you'll have to
talk  jive  to  him, then ask him for salmon. He'll offer you caffeine
tablets...for  a  cost of 3 Gungas a piece. TAKE the dog whistle. Take
the  upper left hand path to the man who is being tortured. Go left to
the generator. USE the dog on the generator.

     Go  back  to  the right to the torture machine. MOVE the lever to
the  on  position.  Go  back to the right to the dealer, then take the
lower  left hand path to the limbo competition. Talk to the Judge, and
enter  the  competition.  USE  the  dog  whistle  to divert the judges
(they'll  hear  the  screams of the tortured man) and you'll win the 3
Gungas.  Go  back  to  the right to the dealer. TALK to him to get the
caffeine  tablets. USE the tablets on the decaf coffee. Go back to the
right  to  the  cave where the genie is. USE the coffee on the whiskey
bottle.  Try to TAKE the whiskey bottle to summon the genie again. Ask
him  again  to  teleport  you  to  Calypso's  shop and this time he'll
teleport  you  correctly.  Walk  into  Calypso's  shop.  After  a LONG
cut-scene,  you'll  end  up in the Valley of Doom, in a prison cell in
Sordid's Tower.


PART 4: THE VALLEY OF DOOM
--------------------------

     Try  to  OPEN the door. Alix will give you a hairclip to pick the
lock  with.  After  opening the door, you'll be teleported (via a time
stick)  to  the  outside of a goblin camp. Go to the right, then go to
the  Dark  Woods. You'll meet the little kid there, and he'll tell you
he's  hungry.  Go to the right and TALK to the woodworms. After a long
discussion  with  them, go to the far right of the woods and enter the
witch's  cave. You'll step on a cat at the entranceway and the witches
will  talk  to you. They're having problems making a potion because of
their  impediments:  one can't talk, one can't hear and one can't see.
Help  them  out,  and  you  get some of the potion. Leave the cave and
leave  the  Dark  Woods. Go to the Secluded Hut. The witches cat is in
here now; you'll need it for later.

     After  you  introduce  yourself,  OPEN  the  door (which in fact,
closes  it).  This  will trap the cat inside the hut. Walk towards the
soda bottles, and the cat will panic, run and knock itself out. TAKE 3
soda  bottles  (you'll  get  a straw automatically), the hanky and the
cat. OPEN the door, and leave the hut. Go to the Volcano Rim. TAKE the
Chemical  Sprayer and the Plant Spotter's Guide Book. USE the straw on
one  of  the  sodas  to  make  an  empty  bottle.  USE  the cat on the
carnivorous  plant;  it'll  salivate at the sight of it. USE the empty
bottle  on  the  saliva to collect it. Leave the Volcano Rim and go to
the Goblin's Camp. USE the saliva on the goblin's goblets, then try to
walk past them. They'll wake up, get mad, drink the poisoned wine, and
fall asleep. TAKE the conch horn. Walk into the camp. TALK to the Elf.

     Offer  to help him get some replacement perfume; he'll give you a
perfume  bottle  to  fill  up.  USE  a full soda bottle on the perfume
bottle to fill it. Enter the big tent to the left of the Elf. TAKE the
food rations and the pepper. Go back to the Elf. USE the pepper on the
elf.  GIVE  him  your  hanky. GIVE him the now full perfume bottle (he
can't  smell the difference anymore). He'll reward you with a block of
wood. Walk to the left of the camp where two goblins are playing dice.
USE  the  last  full  soda  bottle on the fire to create some blinding
smoke.  While  the  two  goblins  are blinded, TAKE some of the goblin
stuff.  The  goblins  will begin to fight and one will leave his lucky
(loaded!)  dice  behind. TAKE the dice. Go back to the right and leave
the  goblin  camp. Go to the Secluded Hut. TAKE two more soda bottles.
Leave the Secluded Hut.

     Go to the Dark Woods. GIVE the kid the food rations. GIVE the kid
the  full  soda  bottle. TAKE the magnifier he drops. Go the the right
and GIVE the block of wood to the woodworms. They'll make you a set of
wooden  teeth.  Go to the far right of the woods and enter the witches
cave.  GIVE  the  witch  with no teeth the wooden teeth, GIVE the deaf
witch  the  conch  horn  and  GIVE  the  magnifier to the blind witch.
They'll  whip up a potion to turn someone into a dog. After the potion
is  done, USE your straw on a soda to empty it, the USE the empty soda
bottle  on  the  potion  to  scoop some up. Leave the witches cave and
leave  the  Dark  Woods. Go to the Secluded Hut. USE the potion on the
Role  Players.  A  Role  Player  will turn into a beagle (which you'll
automatically take).

     Ask if you can join in their game. When you have started playing,
ask  if  they  mind if you use your own dice. You'll roll two 12's and
win  a  interior  decorator's  wallpaper catalogue. Leave the Secluded
Hut. Go to the Goblin Camp, walk into the camp and walk all the way to
the left of the camp, into the entrance to Sordid's Tower. TALK to the
guard "pigs". Tell them you're here on important business, and they'll
make  you show them your wallpaper catalogue, at which point you'll be
admitted to the Tower. TAKE the tapestry. Walk into the eerie passage;
you'll  meet  the security "horror" guard for the tower. After leaving
him,  go  into the stairwell to the left. USE the tapestry on the pool
of  sweat  to absorb the smell of the goblins. USE the soaked tapestry
on  the  Chemical Sprayer to fill it with goblin scent. MOVE the lever
on the generator to turn out the lights.

     Leave  the  room and go back down the eerie passage to the guard.
After  you  have  entered  the  room with the horror, USE the Chemical
Sprayer  to  mask  your  scent,  WEAR  the dog (I know...this one took
FOREVER  to  figure  out)  to change the dog into fuzzy slippers, then
WEAR the fuzzy slippers. The guard can't see, smell or hear you now so
just  walk  across  the room and out of the door. Walk across the lava
channel  to  the  other  side,  and you'll take an exciting ride up to
Sordid's  chambers.  Walk  to  the  right of the chambers and TAKE the
screwdriver.  USE  the screwdriver on Sordid's Hand to remove it, then
USE  the  Hand on the Palm Print Identifier. TAKE the time stick. Walk
to  the  left  as if you were going to exit the chamber, and Runt will
run  out  to  try  and  stop  you. That's it! The final LONG end-scene
follows so sit back and enjoy...

                                T H E   E N D

Player's Notes:

     In playing this game, I noticed a few obvious "bugs" in game play
and a few wickedly nasty puzzles. For instance, if while on the Pirate
Ship you decide to put the postcard on the telescope BEFORE talking to
the helmsman about the parrot, you never seem to land anywhere...or at
least  there  are no clues as what to do. Also, the "floating balloons
to  reach the treasury" was totally non-obvious (I think I tried EVERY
combo  of  object  in  the  game  on  those  stuck  demons to get past
them....argh).  The queen mother of annoying and non-hinted puzzles is
the  "change  the  dog  into  fuzzy slippers". Sick. And damn annoying
since  I  spent  about  an  hour  trying  to  pry the shoes off of the
treadmill goblin's feet.  Otherwise, an awesome game (albeit the
humor is slightly hard to follow from a North American point of view),
cool cut- scenes and animations (the morphing Simon at the goblin camp
was GREAT!) and a fairly decent storyline. Look for Simon the Sorceror
III hopefully...