Ok  everyone,  hang  on to your seats (and your towels!); this is
probably   going   to  be  the  wildest  adventure  game  you'll  ever
play...unless  Infocom  comes out with a sequel, which they just might
do!

     Before  we  get  started,  a few words of advice. This is not the
only  way  of  getting  through  the  game.  Many  of the problems and
situations  (such  as  the whale's belly) have more than one solution.
So, you might want to save the game from time to time, and ex periment
a little, to see if you can find other ways of doing things (actually,
it's wise to save the game anyway, in case you make a mistake).

     Also,  consult  the  Guide  frequently during play; you will gain
some  useful insights to some of the objects you come across, and even
some  helpful information (sometimes). And remember, no matter how bad
things may look: DON'T PANIC!

     Here you are, mild-mannered Arthur Dent, about to start the worst
day  of  your  life, although you don't know that...yet! Actually, the
day  is already getting off to a bad start, since you've just woken up
in  the  dark,  with a really bad headache (and it's all downhill from
here).

     The first thing you need to do is stand up and turn on the light.
That's  a  little  better, anyway! Or maybe not, since you're having a
hard  time  getting coordinated. Grab the dressing gown and put it on,
then  look  in  the pocket. Ah, an analgesic! Take tha t, then get the
screwdriver  and  the toothbrush, and head South to the porch (did you
hear a tree fall? Rather omnious, isn't it?).

     Here  you  find  something no modern home should be without: junk
mail.  Take  the  mail,  and  go on outside. Uh-oh! There's a very big
bulldozer  on its way to level your home, and there's Prosser standing
by, watching it all. Are you going to take this lying d own?

     You  bet  you  are!  That's  the only way to stop it: lie down in
front  of  the  bulldozer.  No  matter how close the thing gets, don't
panic;  it  won't  run you over (of course, in a short time, it really
won't  matter what happens to the house, but you don't know that yet).
Just wait awhile until Ford Prefect shows up (read the junk mail while
you wait).

     Ford  seems  a  trifle  preoccupied with the sky, but he is aware
enough  of  you to try and give you back your towel. Don't take it, or
he'll  leave  and  you  will be a lot worse off than you ever imagined
(can things be worse than this? They sure can!).

     Instead  of  taking  the towel, ask Ford about your home. He will
eventually come to his senses, and realize what is going on. When that
happens,  he  will  be  able to persuade Prosser to take your place in
front  of  the  bulldozer  while the two of you head off to the pub to
hoist a few.

     As  soon  as  Prosser  takes your place, go South and West to the
pub.  Buy a cheese (?) sandwich while you wait for him to arrive (when
you  read the description, you'll understand about the "?"). When Ford
gets there, he'll buy you a few beers. Drink only th ree of them.

     Around  about  the time you've finished the third one, there will
be a loud crash. In fact, it's the sound of your home being demolished
by  the  bulldozer  (that  will  teach you to trust anyone who wears a
digital  watch!).  Don't  take  that  sitting  down, leave the pub and
return  to  where  your  house used to be. Along the way, you'll see a
starving dog.

     While  you  may  wonder  if  anything could eat that sandwich and
survive, give it to the dog, who will (amazingly!) enjoy it immensely,
ignoring  a  microscopic  space fleet that whizzes past (remember that
fleet). Then continue on to the ruins of your home (Ford will be right
behind you).

     And  just  about  now,  to  put a perfect ending to a perfect day
(which has just barely begun), the Vogon construction ships appear, to
demolish  the  Earth  to  make way for a new Hyper-space Bypass (hmmm,
maybe  Ford wasn't kidding when he said he was from another planet, or
that Earth would be destroyed in a short time).

     Still,   don't   panic...wait   until  Ford  drops  the  Sub-etha
signalling device. There won't be much time after that, so pick up the
device,  push  the green button (if you dropped the Aunt's thing, have
no  fear:  it  will  turn  up again later), and you will be in. ...the
dark.

     Get  used  to that, you'll be spending a lot of time there before
this  adventure is over. Notice that, at first, you can't do much. All
your  five  senses  seem to be out of order. However, if you wait, and
read  the  descriptions very carefully, you will see t hat eventually,
it  mentions  only 4 of your senses. The one that's missing is the one
you can use. Keep this in mind, it will come in handy later.

     Right  now, your nose seems to be working again, so smell. Sniff,
sniff.  Ugh! Whatever it is, it sure is strong! You are also now dimly
aware  of a shadow, so look at it. Well, well, it turns out to be Ford
Prefect!  And,  looking  around,  you  find yourself i n the hold of a
Vogon  ship. Certainly better than being on Earth (or where Earth used
to be).

     There's  a  glass  case with an Atomic Vector Plotter inside, but
don't bother with it yet. You have something else to do first, namely,
obtain a Babel Fish. That shouldn't be hard, right? All you need to do
is  push  the  button  on the dispensing machine, and you'll have one,
right? Hehehehehehe!

     Those  Babel  Fish  are  pretty slippery characters (but, you may
have  found  that  out already for yourself!). And the cleaning robots
are  certainly  no  help;  they seem to have only one mission in life:
grabbing  your  Fish  away  from  you.  Well, we really can't let that
happen!

     So,  first  thing  to  do  is remove your gown and hang it on the
hook.  Now,  wait  for  Ford  to  curl  up, then get the towel and the
satchel. Put the towel over the drain, and the satchel in front of the
robot  panel.  Now comes the part that drives most people cr azy: they
don't know how to stop the upper-half-of-the-room cleaning robot. But,
it's so simple: just put the junk mail on top of the satchel.

     Now  you  can  push the button! Then step back and watch the Rube
Goldberg  shenanigans,  which end with the Babel Fish stuck solidly in
your  ear  (squish!).  Bet you never thought outer space would be like
this!  However,  now  that  you  have  the  Fish,  you'll  be a ble to
understand anyone who talks to you.

     By the way, somewhere along the line, you will get a message that
one of the phrases you've used was instrumental in starting a war that
wiped  out  most  of a small galaxy. There is nothing you can do about
this; no matter how you try, it will come to pass .

     Rather  unfortunate,  isn't  it? Even more unfortunate, sooner or
later,  the survivors will figure out how that happened, and they will
be looking for revenge....but more about that charming prospect later.

     Right  now, press the switch on the case. This will tell you what
the  code  word  is  that  will  open  the  case so you can snatch the
plotter.  Make  careful  note  of  what word is required; it is chosen
randomly  each time. Too bad you have to listen to some prett y rotten
poetry to get the word.

     Speaking  of  poetry,  in  a  short  while,  you and Ford will be
hustled   into  the  Captain's  quarters,  and  strapped  into  Poetry
Appreciation  Chairs  (worser  things could happen, but right now, you
probably  can't  think  of any). After the Vogon Captain has torture d
you  with  the  first  verse, grit your teeth and enjoy the poetry. He
will then, to your dismay, read you the next verse.

     While you could easily live without hearing it, in this case, you
do  need to listen so you know the word to type in. Fortunately, after
the  second  verse, you don't have to enjoy the poetry. Unfortunately,
since  you survived both verses, the Captain is go ing to have you and
Ford  shoved  out the airlock (you have now found something worse than
appreciating Vogon poetry).

     While Ford tries to talk the guard out of spacing the two of you,
type  in  the word from the poem. You must put quotes around the word,
or  it won't go through. Then get the plotter when the case opens. Now
just  wait awhile, and you and Ford will soon be i n the airlock, with
very little time left.

     In  fact,  time has just run out, and there you are in the depths
of  space. Lucky for you, the Guide explained how to survive all of 30
seconds  out there! Well, perhaps not so lucky, since, considering the
vastness  of space, it's quite improbable that anot her ship will come
by  to  pick  you  up  before the 30 seconds run out. So naturally, 29
seconds  later,  the  Heart of Gold (the HOG) comes past and picks you
up.

     There  you  are  in  the  dark again. Wait and watch the display,
until it no longer says you can't hear. Then listen, and you will hear
the sound of the star drive. Now it gets cute: the program will lie to
you,  and  say there is an exit to port. Don't you be lieve it! Go Aft
instead,  and you will be in Entry Bay 2. You can ignore the brochure,
if you like.

     Go  Aft  again, and you're in the Fore End of the corridor. Here,
Ford  will find you you, and take you up to the bridge, where you meet
Zaphod  and  Trillian.  Actually,  you've  seen them both before, at a
party  you  attended a short time ago. While you listen to the chatter
between Zaphod and Ford, you can begin to drop some items here.

     You  can  drop  the  plotter,  screwdriver,  gown, and signalling
device. By this time, everyone else has gone to the sauna, leaving you
alone  on  the  Bridge  with Eddie, the shipboard computer. Don't mind
Eddie,  he's a little over-protective, but he's a good so rt at heart.
In  fact,  you  can  pretty  much  ignore  him,  as well as Marvin the
Paranoid  Robot,  although  Marvin  will  be  important  much later on
(depressing as that may sound).

     Ok,  time  to  prepare  for  some  pretty weird happenings! First
you'll need the spare improbability drive. So, go down, then Aft. Keep
going  Aft.  The  program  will  tell  you  that  the  Engine  Room is
dangerous.  It  LIES!  Don't  listen  to  it,  just  keep  going  Aft.
Eventually, you'll get there.

     Of  course,  as soon as you're there, you'll want to look around.
The  program  will  tell  you there is nothing to see. That, too, is a
lie!  Keep  looking, and you'll find that there are some things to see
here, especially the spare drive. Don't worry about the tools for now;
you can leave them where they are.

     Once  you  have the drive, go back to the Fore End corridor, then
head  Port  where  you'll  find the Nutrimat (try consulting the Guide
about  the  Nutrimat).  Touch the pad, and you will be provided with a
delicious  (?)  cup of advanced tea substitute. Fortunately, you don't
have  to  drink it. Take the cup (ignore the carton, it's useless) and
return to the bridge.

     Drop  the  cup  and the drive. Now, plug the small plug in to the
small  receptacle,  and  put  the  plotter's  dangly  bit into the tea
substitute. Ok, you are about to have some pretty strange experiences,
but before you throw the switch, some words of advice and caution.

     There  are  five  scenarios  (all  rather  short, but all of them
important),  that  have to be completed. They come up in random order,
so each one has its own little section of the walkthru. The lead-in to
each of them is that familiar dark area, where you hav e to wait until
one  of  your  senses  is  working again. You will be in the dark area
again  when  the  scenario  ends  (and you will have to listen for the
drive sound), which will then bring you back to the HOG.

     Also,  be  aware  there are times that you may briefly go back to
one  of  the  scenarios  you  have already completed. You just sort of
bounce  in  and out of those, but you do have to spend time waiting in
the  dark.  I couldn't find a way around this, so you'll j ust have to
live  with  it.  Finally,  it's a good idea to save the game after you
complete  each  scenario,  just in case. With that said, it's time, so
push the switch!

The Bugblatter Beast

     When  you  come out of the dark, you find yourself in the Lair of
the  dreaded  Bugblatter  Beast. There are, perhaps, better places you
could wish yourself to be in, considering that, among its many charms,
the  Bugblatter has those tungsten-carbide vast-pain claws (perhaps he
was a dentist in a previous life).

     However,  you  are  here for a purpose, so you'll just have to do
something  about  the  Beast.  Consulting  the  Guide  tells  you that
Bugblatters are incredibly stupid, which is certainly the case. In the
meantime,  the  Beast  is  bearing  down on you, demanding you r name.
Don't  be  shy, introduce yourself, then run like heck East out of the
Lair.

     Pick  up  one  of the sharp stones, and then cover your head with
the  towel.  Old Buggy is so dumb, he thinks that, since you can't see
him, he can't see you. But, this won't last for very long, so you have
to fool him, and quickly. Lucky for you, this isn't hard.

     Carve  your  name  on the Bugblatter's memorial. When he sees the
name  there,  he  will  think  he's already eaten you, which is why he
can't  see  you  (dumb  may be an understatement here). The Beast will
then  curl up for a nap, leaving you free (after removing t he towel!)
to re-enter the Lair and then go SouthWest.

     Here  you  will  find  the skeleton of some poor soul clutching a
Nutrimat  Computer Interface Card. Take the card, and just wait around
for  awhile.  You  will  be  mistakenly captured as a Bugblatter Beast
(talk about insults!), but you will eventually be freed, and have some
other  adventures  along the way, before you find yourself back in the
dark again.

     When  you  get  back  to the HOG, you can drop the asteroid paint
chipper  and the interface card in the Fore End before going up to the
Bridge  (you'll  need the interface later, but there's no need to drag
it  around  with  you now). Once on the Bridge, push the switch again,
and you'll be back in the dark.

Trillian

     The  dark  ends with something liquidy to the touch. In fact, you
find  your  fingers bathing in a glass of wine. Coming to your senses,
you  realize that you are now Trillian, and you are at the party where
you (she?) met both Arthur and a mysterious man named Phil.

     Take  a  good look at Arthur, and you will see he has a huge ball
of  fluff  on his jacket. Just what you want, but your hands are full.
Drop  the  plate  you're holding, and get the fluff. Open your handbag
and  put  the  fluff  in it, then get the plate again (ot herwise, the
pushy hostess won't leave you alone).

     Now,  all you need to do is wait, trying not to be bored to tears
by  Arthur's  feeble  attempts  at conversation. Give Phil a look, and
shortly  he  will  come  over, and take you out to his scooter. As you
blast off, everything once again becomes.....dark.

Ford

     Now  you  find  yourself  standing  in  a country lane, holding a
satchel.  The  place  looks  familiar.  In fact, it's the lane outside
Arthur's home, and this time you seem to be Ford Prefect.

     Those  Vogons  will  be  arriving soon, so there's not much time.
Open  the  satchel,  and  take  the  satchel fluff, the towel, and the
sub-etha  signalling  device.  Go North, and there you will see Arthur
lying in front of the bulldozer.

     With  a  certain  feeling  of  deja  vu, you offer him the towel.
However,  instead  of  taking  it,  he  asks  you  about his home. You
suddenly  realize  what  is  going  on  (not  that  it really matters,
considering what will shortly happen!). In a moment of magnanimity (or
possibly madness), you decide to take Arthur hitchhiking with you.

     But first, you have to deal with Prosser. Go over to him, and ask
him  to  lie down in front of the bulldozer. He'll make a little fuss,
but  you'll manage to persuade him. Now, you and Arthur can hurry over
to the pub, and drink some beer (remember to buy peanuts).

     Sit  there,  drinking your beer (no more than three!), meditating
on  why  Arthur  is taking the imminent demise of the world so calmly,
until the house falls and Arthur goes tearing out.

     Follow  him  to  the ruins of his home. Drop the satchel, and put
the satchel fluff on top of it. Now wait. The Vogon ships will appear,
the winds will pick up, and you'll start fumbling with the device.

     Oops!  You just dropped it! Fortunately, it rolls over by Arthur,
who  picks  it up and looks at it. Also fortunately, Arthur manages to
push the right button, and everything becomes....dark.

Zaphod

     You  come  out  of  the  dark  to  find  that  you're  now Zaphod
Beeblebrox,  the  Presi  dent of the Universe. In fact, you're on your
way to steal the Heart of Gold (with a little help from Trillian).

     As  your speedboat zooms towards its destination, search the seat
carefully  and  you  will find seat fluff and a key. The key opens the
toolbox,  but  you  don't need to do that now. Just make sure you take
the box; you might be needing it later.

     Now, if you continue on your present course, you'll never make it
between the cliffs and the spire (or maybe you know that already). The
trick  is  to  make the auto-pilot do the hard work, so steer the boat
towards the rocky spire.

     The  spire  gets  closer...closer....closer....and then, at last!
the  auotpilot wakes up, just in time, and steers you to safety! Whew,
that  was  a  close  one. Ok, now you can stand up and go North to the
Dais, where the dedication ceremonies will be held.

     Wait around, enjoying the cheers of the crowd (read the banner if
you like), until Trillian appears. She will jump out of the crowd, and
hold  a  gun  to  one  of your heads. The guards are a little hesitant
about what to do, so now's your chance: tell them not to shoot.

     After  a  few  moments,  they  will  drop  their  rifles  into  a
pile..just  what  you've  been waiting for. Tell Trillian to shoot the
rifles.  As  the  weapons disappear, you and Trillian make a break for
the HOG! You made it!! But...everything seems to be getting... .dark.

The War Room

     Ah  ha,  fooled  ya!  I  bet when you heard the sound of the star
drive,  you thought you were back on the HOG. But, surprise! you're in
the  War Room of a mighty war fleet approaching Earth (at least you're
yourself this time!).

     Hmmmm,  looking  around,  you see an ultra-plasmic awl. Pick that
up,  since  it might come in handy later. Now, take a good look at the
aliens. They are Vl'hurg and G'guvunt. Sound familiar? Ring any bells?
Remember  that  small  galaxy  you  pretty  much  wiped  out with your
careless words?

     Well, they finally figured out what happened, and now they are on
their  way  to  Earth  to  take revenge! (Uh oh) You can't really stop
them, so just wait around and hope for the best.

     The  fleet  gets  closer and closer, and then arrives. Amazingly,
the  first  thing  they see is....a huge dog happily munching a cheese
(?)  sandwich!  The  sight  of this giant monster, contentedly eating,
softens the hearts of the Vl'hurgs and G'guvunts.

     With  a  new mission in life, they turn around and go home. Along
the  way, they transport you back to the HOG. Unfortunately, since the
aliens  are  microscopic,  so are you.....and you end up materializing
inside your own head!

     But  wait....maybe  there  is a madness in this method, after all
(or  is  that  the other way around?). Move along the mazy of synapses
(any  direction  will  do,  they're  all alike), until you come to the
particle.

     Look at the particle, and you will see it's your common sense. If
there's one thing you surely don't need in THIS adventure, it's common
sense, so take the particle. Whoops! Everythig just went.....dark.

     Ok,   now   you  should  have  collected  the  four  fluffs,  the
ultra-plasmic awl, the paint chipper, the nutrimat computer interface,
and the tool box. After you have done the last scenario (whichever one
that  is), don't go back to the Bridge. Pick up the interf ace, and go
to the Nutrimat. It's tea time!

     Open  the  panel  on  the Nutrimat, remove the circuit board, and
replace it with the interface. Now, touch the pad. With a clearer idea
of  just  what  it  is  you  want,  the  Nutrimat  begins to have some
problems. Its own limited circuitry can't handle it (well, it's just a
dumb machine, after all), so it ties into the main shipboard computer.

     Don't  spend  time  here  watching  the  Nutrimat  go through its
gyrations. Head for the bridge, and plug the large plug into the large
receptacle.  The  moment  is  almost  here: the HOG has arrived at the
legendary lost planet of Magrathea, and the natives aren't friendly.

     In  fact, they are sending up a bunch of missiles to vaporize the
HOG  (hmmm, they really AREN'T friendly!). Now, push the switch on the
spare drive. Wow! Talk about improbabilities! The missiles have turned
into a giant sperm whale!

     After accepting the congratulations of Ford, Zaphod, and Trillian
(who  conveniently  disappear  into  the  sauna  again), return to the
Nutrimat, where you will find, at last, a cup of REAL tea. Get the cup
(you  will  drop  the  No  Tea), but don't drink it!! Bri ng it to the
Bridge.

     Drop  the  real  tea (you will automatically pick up the No Tea).
Remove  the dangly bit from the tea substitute, and put it in the real
tea.  You  have  one  more  little  trip to make. First, however, drop
everything  you  are  carrying  except  the Babel Fish and th e Aunt's
Thing (yes, you have it again, you just can't get rid of it).

     Push the switch on the Drive. After a short stay in the dark, you
will  find  yourself  in the whale's tummy (it may, however, take more
than  try  to  get  here,  but you will make it eventually). There's a
flowerpot here! Get the pot, and put it in the Aunt's Thing. Now, wait
around  (you  really don't have a choice), and soon you will be in the
dark again.

     Ah, back on the HOG at last. If you take inventory, you'll notice
you don't have the Aunt's Thing. Don't panic! It will, as always, turn
up.  In  the  meantime,  go  around picking up the various fluffs. The
Zaphod  fluff,  along  with  the  tool  box,  will  be  by t he hatch.
Trillian's,  of  course,  is  in  her  handbag,  and  Ford's is on the
satchel,  and  the  last one is in the pocket of your gown (unless you
took it out earlier and dropped it somewhere).

     The  Aunt's  Thing has reappeared by now, so go up to the Bridge.
Take  the  flowerpot,  plant  all  four fluffs, drop the pot, and wait
awhile.  When  you see a tiny sprout has formed, take the pot into the
sauna.  When  you emerge, a changed man, you will also ha ve a changed
plant.

     However,  there  is  another  problem!  The  HOG  has  landed  on
Magrathea,  but  Eddie,  overprotective as usual, has jammed the hatch
shut.  And, he's not going to open it, no matter how long it takes him
to check for dangers on the planet (which will be quite a few years).

     You  are  almost ready! First, eat the fruit from the plant (mmm,
tasty!).  You have a vision, and pay close attention to it: the vision
shows  you  what  tool Marvin will need to open the hatch. This varies
from  game  to game, and there is no way to know which one it is until
you  eat  the  fruit.  That  is also why you have to collect all those
tools.  Get  the  tool that you saw in the vision. If it happens to be
one you haven't seen yet, then you'll find it in Marvin's pantry.

     The  trick  now is to find Marvin, and he's in his pantry, behind
the  screening  door.  First, get the real tea. You automatically drop
the  No Tea. But, you don't have your common sense anymore, so....pick
up the No Tea! Now, you have both Tea and No Tea at the same time!!

     Go  to  the  Screening Door. Open it. The Door, impressed by your
being  able to have both Tea and No Tea will let you through! However,
WAIT!!!  Don't go through the door yet! If you set foot in the pantry,
you  will  be  overwhelmed  by  depression! So, that mag ic moment has
arrived, the moment you've been waiting for ever since you left Earth:
drink the real tea!! (Ahhhhhh, good to the last drop!)

     All  right!  Now you can go into the Pantry (yay)! Marvin will be
there,  sulking  as  usual.  Tell  him  to  fix the hatch. Marvin will
grumble,  but  he  will  agree  to it, and tell you to meet him at the
Hatch Access Space, with the proper tool, in twelve moves.

     As  you  already  have the tool (thanks to the fruit), you can go
directly  to  the  Access  space (drop everything but the tool and the
Fish),  and  wait  for  Marvin. When he arrives and asks for the tool,
give  it  to him. Marvin will fiddle briefly, and the hatch will slide
open.

     Go  out  to the Hatch, and then down the Hatch. Wow! You have now
set foot on the legendary lost planet of Magrathea, and........

     And  what comes next, will have to wait for the sequel (and let's
hope it isn't too long a wait!!!)!